geeks

i'll probably come back and review this in the future, but for now i'm just going to dump my raw thoughts. no references, no citations, only opinions i swear i started off level-headed and try to be while i continued writing this general comment:

it's probably over saturation everywhere i look on the internet and in real life. 

it might be how entitled every fan and every fandom is.

it's also about ego, and how enjoyment often devolves into an "i'm better than you" contest between everybody.

it's that feeling that geeks should stick together even though odds are we can't get along because of how different we are.

everywhere i look it's geek this or geek that. in another corner some convention is happening. sometimes it feels too much. i'm bombarded with the latest geek news, the latest in-thing, and people jumping into bandwagons. it's the age of the god damn geek now. and everyone's coming out of the woodwork, back when i was all new to this i thought it might be cool but i've come to a point where i isolate myself from geek cliques because i often can't stand them as their geek persona. it eats up their lives and becomes their shell and social magnet.

but it won't matter, because they're geeks, and you're a geek too and you will get along because birds of a feather fuck the same birds. geeks feel the need to be relevant for whatever reason, and sometimes it's okay, people can be like that and do it with class, but like everyone else they can be very opinionated, and when it comes to discussing a subject close to their heart and escapist tendencies they will argue like they were competent senators on the physics and feasibility of wearing armor from inside the marrow of your bones, why the new spider-man costume sucks and looks gay, or the logic behind the hulk battling a swarm of bees and who will win.
and whenever a company tries to "screw them over" or try to give their franchise a push to a new thing they often vehemently cry about the change to the status quo, as if their life would become meaningless if big red renounced his US citizenship, or whether bats went global. and then bitch about how their favorite series is becoming stale and predictable or how the new continuity event is just a rehash from years back.  fandoms can never make up their minds. and they feel so entitled to every little thing because they are faithful little fans. these franchises owe their livelihood to these people.

i went into this geek phase of my life hoping to get along with everybody. i found my niche as a toy geek and customizer but as time went on i stopped caring because of the venomous nature of my hobby. competitiveness is second nature to people,and can be blown out of proportion to disasterous and hilarious results. hate and envy are there wherever you look but none of it is more prevalent and petty than in geekdom. whether it's in cosplay, comic or toy collecting or the genre  photography that follows them you will find people  who're like ash ketchum except less endearing. people can genuinely strive to be the best in their field or bash others as not deserving of praise. then again some people wouldn't care about the kind of attention they get if it means more people become exposed to their work. to the latter i halfheartedly salute, it's a clever strategy, but it makes me wonder how they can live with so many people who despise them. perhaps they deal with it like i do, out of sight, out of mind. 

inevitably you will  be tempted to be drawn to geeks like yourself because you like the same things. but do you really like each other as friends? sometimes i feel like i can't. the self-importance is often dragging, and it's a contest on who the biggest geek in your group, who can spout the most storylines, terminologies.  the guy beside you might be an awkward man disappointed with how his life runs and can be a constant downer, next to him might be a closet pervert who enjoys victimizing naive girls by being their personal photographer  and bragging how close he is to the model and making everyone else who's getting to close look like the creep, then the guy across  you could be a toy scalper who likes to push kids to the side to get that new bumblebee repaint. multiples even and have them up on his for sale thread on some wasteblandish (yes that was intentional spelling) forum or ebay.ph for three times the price of the fucking kid's toy. standing to your left might be a guy who could be a misogynist or viscously opposes the RH Bill and calls people out with the word retarded, but he knows  you because you both like GI Joe and tags you on pictures he thinks are funny but contradictory to his staunch, religious beliefs  then the guy talking your ear off is internet famous, and will keep reminding you of it for every minute of every second you are sitting there taking it. hypothetically and unwittingly giving his e-penis a handjob.

but i am no different, and i hate that i can't get out of the stereotype i've come to be associated with. i fear becoming a neckbeard and dying alone. honestly i can't deal with becoming one of "those losers in that scene of  Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, Episode 6: Les Diaboliques, the bottom of the barrel, the awkward guys".

i can live with myself and the people i hang out with because we enjoy what we do, and not because we enjoy being part of something bigger and rather obnoxious. and while i'm sure people can feel the same way about me and my friends,  i certainly hope they don't think they're any better because they're not.

fans are scum, and we know we're scum as well but we don't let that get in the way of our lives. it doesn't stop us from embracing what we are as people, who have to deal with the harsh reality of living in a modern world, a world that can hurt us and hurt us bad. we face it everyday and we enjoy our geek things on the side, because it's just a hobby to us.